Hot Buttered Bum PDF Print E-mail
Written by Wayne   
Friday, 09 November 2007
Image
Toast, good with jam or sterno
  Everyone has a story about certain topics as if they are universal truths; brushes with celebrity, that one night you got really drunk and drove the porcelain bus, almost getting caught having sex by your parents, and being panhandled by a bum.  Next time you are out with friends just bring up these various topics and you will see that everyone has a story.  I was out one night at a nice art event only to end up talking about street people.  But instead of a story about panhandling it was a possible overture of love by a street person to the attractive young woman who shared the story.

 

It seems that she had a street person that hung out by her converted house that now severed as apartments in the arty funky part of town where she lived making street people not an uncommon sighting. It seems that they had their own dedicated apartment bum that hung around the place, slept in a bank of trees across the street, and possibly frequented the garbage can buffet of their apartments. 

 

She shared that he had never been violent, abusive, or a problem.  He was just around and she often watched him from her window in the morning while having coffee and getting ready for her day. It was a morning ritual; she had coffee while he talked to his imaginary friend while sitting in the bushes.  He never even asked for money, just lived like a lamprey fish attaching himself to people who had money because they worked and was sucking a life off of them.

 

One morning she is looking for him under the trees and does not spot him.  She does not think anything of it until a few moments later she notices he is over by her car, squatted down by the driver’s door.  Now it is usually not good news when a street person is finding a place to hide and squat as he is leaving a present that even a dog does not want to sniff.  She was a little concerned and went out to see if he was doing only thing to her car, or on her car as when you consume way too much alcohol day in day out it has more of a tendency to be a fecal spray.  It seems that her calling out to him startled the bum who took off before she could get to the car. 

 

Image
Bum Bouquet
She investigated to make sure her car was alright and discovered that the bum had left her a present. A paper plate with two pieces of buttered toast and an odd pink lump. She felt bad for interrupting his breakfast but felt compelled to see what the pink lump was that he had on his plate for breakfast.  She bent down to investigate and realized it was his dentures. When street person took off he left behind his breakfast and his dentures.   I suggested to her that it might really be the sign of a secret bum crush. Who has to remove dentures to eat toast? He left her his two most valuable things, ok his second and third most valuable things because he still had his bottle, but still he left them for her. To a bum this would be like giving two dozen roses.

I did have to share with her the legendary story of Bela Lugosi the actor who made Count Dracula famous. 

It seems that Bela was also a boozer enjoying his drink so much that he ingested it in all forms. Bela was known to spread sterno on his morning toast so he could “drink” without smelling of alcohol or to cover up the fact that he was whacked out on morphine.




  Be first to add a comment

Only registered users can do that.
Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment Tweaked Special Edition v.1.4.4
 
< Prev   Next >
[ Back ]